Terminal Tales

I’m talking to myself again. I’m telling myself that I’m talking to myself again. My brain is finally responding to me telling myself that I’m talking to myself again. Finally, I stop talking to myself.

Over the last year of international travel (first time solo, and the first major travel after Covid), you’ll see my disheveled self going through these motions, most noticeably during the layover and just before passing out on the second flight. Every time I’m preparing to travel, I promise myself it’s going to be different. I’m surely going to be ahead of the curve and maintain my dignity as I jet across the world in a middle economy seat, right?

Wrong.

It’s the same thing, every single time – no matter how hard I try. In an effort to stay awake at these intervals, when I can’t trust the uncles around me to wake me up in possession of all my belongings and in time for my flight, I took to observing; writing what I saw around me in the terminals, and how it made my sleep-deprived self feel. And totally and wholly in the interest of content, I have taken it upon myself to fly a new route every time I go home, destroying my personal attainment of airline loyalty miles for you, the reader. As a blogger for close to a decade, I promise the new routes are for you, and not because it was the cheapest option while booking. 

What follows are my sleep-deprived departure terminal discoveries, for each airport code I’ve set foot in and airline I’ve flown in, August 2022 – July 2023.

Heathrow (LHR, London)

BOM-LHR-ORD, August 2022 (1) & IAD-LHR-BOM, December 2022 (2) – Layover (3+3 hours)

1. (2) The screens displaying plane timings and gate information were broken, almost identically to the way Tom Cruise said it would when ‘the entity’ would take over, in his movie ‘Mission Impossible 7’, which (sidenote) felt like a 60-year old uncle explaining the dangers of AI in a WhatsApp message. (Un)Fortunately for us, this was not a world-threatening AI takeover, and upon overhearing small talk, was one of many issues at Terminal 5. On a positive note, there was a tiny brown aunty writing information down by hand, but it didn’t do much good for her when most of her flights had updated gates.
2. Constantly updating gates at LHR were a menace. It was bad enough that we were brought from concourses B&C to A for LHR’s signature, infamous screening, only to be sent back to B&C in a hurry to catch a flight. (2) With a flurry of gate updates, I sat outside a gate I thought was right for 2 hours – when surprised by the lack of brown people around me I checked the now functioning screens to realize I had to speed-walk across the airport to a new gate.
3. My contrasting fortunes with screening:
   • (2) They were testing new machines where you didn’t need to take stuff out, which saved me from enduring the ridicule I went through in August
   • (1) Got a taste of LHR security when they made me take every small bottle in a tiny plastic bag (which seemed like a waste), only to be ridiculed by an aunty who told me I wasn’t fast enough.
   • (1) My thepla apparently aroused the concerns of the uncle manning the explosive trace detection booth, which is always a fun trip for me. His insistence on ex-foil-iating what he called the ‘parota’ could only mean he wanted a piece of it, something I was willing to do if that granted me safe passage.
4. (2) LHR was PACKED to its limit in passengers in December, taking away from me thinking I was the only one travelling on Christmas day. After purchasing the customary duty-free alcohol that my mother had very suspiciously asked for, I found it impossible to find somewhere to sit. Much like the stereotypically packed train station that foreigners think dot India, LHR was packed, smelled funky, and was super dirty. Oh, how the tables have turned.
5. Except for the Pret in the middle of the terminal, the other ‘restaurants’ in the area served authentic British food, which is to say the most bland colonial food that makes our college cafetaria look remotely good.

British Airways

1. BA left me very pleasantly surprised. I boarded with stories of racism brought to me by the friendly uncles in the building, but got super friendly stewardesses that had no problem offering me wine (which I politely declined).
2. (1) The LHR-ORD leg was significantly better than BOM-LHR, with a nicer A380, friendlier and younger staff and even more complimentary drinks. I guess the anticipated crowd brings about a difference in service.
3. I received an unexpected upgrade to premium economy which brought with it an actual menu card (which is taped to my wall, a prized possession) and a nice Desi-British co-passenger uncle visiting Bombay for the first time in a while.

Abu Dhabi (AUH, Abu Dhabi)

BOM-AUH-IAD, January 2023 – Layover (5 hours)

1. Pre-clearance was a GOD SEND – instead of being stuck in an unmoving immigration line designed to break you, AUH lets you get pre-clearance with overworked immigration officers instead. They only feigned interest in my I-20, leaving me bummed after having done a lot of logistical work to update it for their perusal.
2. Double security checks before being allowed to the immigration chamber – they really aren’t taking it lightly. Insane amount of airport staff for this process, felt like every passenger had someone watching them.
3. Innocuous duty-free in the US flights side, with the 4 flights (ORD, JFK, IAD, LAX) pretty much sequestered from the rest of the airport.
4. This cornering had little protection from the loud and boisterous passenger announcements in every language possible – try hearing that with a headache! It seemed implausible that there were so many late passengers, but hey, atleast I didn’t have to stand in line.

Etihad

1. Had a middle seat on a Dreamliner on ALL legs of the trip – a saving grace was good row-mates on the 17hr leg, the serenity only spoiled by 5 pairs of screaming children who unconsciously decided to have a screaming competition. The earbuds that I nabbed from my father and their active noise cancellation was only a temporary fix, the vacuum that it makes around my ear messing up my hearing for days to come.
2. It was surprisingly tied to its country’s Islamic roots, with a pre-flight Quranic prayer in Arabic and English subtitles, a live Mecca pointer throughout the flight, and prayer times in different time zones. I probably figured this to be because it’s the national carrier of the UAE, but It was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

John F Kennedy (JFK, New York)

DCA-JFK-CDG-BOM, May 2023 – Layover (3 hours)

1. Terminal 1 for international departures was HORRID. Had mostly international carriers which meant the terminal was in constant disrepair and in general state of uncleanliness – having a big American airline presence could have made the difference.
2. TSA screening is just constantly FULL at T1, with extra mean TSA officers who just made me want to cry ; (.
3. The AirTrain, much like the rest of New York’s subway system (or so I have heard) was a major headache for inter-terminal switching. The train from T4 to T1 was inoperable till NOVEMBER, but the substitute bus wasn’t as bad as some other cities (ahem ahem IGI Delhi)
4. No food options at all – had some ‘whack’ old pizza (live writing while hungry) with super expensive concessions.
5. It was fortuitous that I was watching Crazy Rich Asians flying out of JFK because our main protagonist’s description of JFK was incredibly relatable – full of ‘salmonella and despair’.

Charles De Gaulle (CDG, Paris)

DCA-JFK-CDG-BOM, May 2023 – Layover (6 hours)

1. Biggest surprise of my life  – I DIDN’T have to take off my shoes for security, a very welcome surprise on the back of a disastrous New York terminal experience.
2. They were incredibly staffed for an innocuous Tuesday morning at the end of May, with so many employees moving around at 6am doing small or visually no tasks. Reminding me of Bombay airport’s overstaffed lines, I had 3 different people look at my documents while in line for security.
3. The Air France terminal I was in was really nicely built, with an intricate dome-like structure and amazing natural light. Dotted around were PS5 and arcade stations, and personal charging points between each seat! Truly, a dream come true to have access to a plug point everywhere – too bad the French use a different adaptor making it a race against time to record these notes before my laptop died.
4. Duty-free there seemed to be ONLY super expensive global brands, quite typically pretentious as the French do. While I was aiming to get a French breakfast, there were only a few places to eat – not even a small hot chocolaut in sight. After a frantic look around, I was greeted by my regular airport Pret, a worrying trend for me.

Air France

1. I’m not sure if it was my mind playing tricks on me, but the aisles on this B777-300 were even tinier than usual. It was impossible to walk around without banging into people, and my elbow on the aisle went through some series damage at the hands of the kids and the beverage cart.
2. Flight stewards/esses were WAYYY more chatty than other airlines, and sustained a 15 minute conversation with the old French couple next to me (who were quite ok to show some PDA, which was quite unfortunate for me.)

Amsterdam Schipol (AMS, Amsterdam)

BOM-AMS-IAD, June 2023 – Layover (6 hours)

1. As authentic Dutch food options as they could in an airport setting! Friendly people and lots of food options!
2. Original, unedited thoughts after eating a Dutch breakfast: AMS’s vibe isn’t on making it seem like it’s doing a favor to its travelers, not insisting on just passing the minimum requirements for a modern airport. It genuinely wanted to make like simpler and enjoyable. As you can tell, I was hooked.
3. HEAVILY marked with signage, didn’t expect to see a difference in sharp right and gradual right in an airport (only heard Samir’s instructor yelling at me throughout my walk)
4. Each concourse sub-section treated like its own terminal, surprisingly didn’t expect you to have everything in mind before heading to the gates (ahem ahem pretty much any other airport).
5. Highlight – Mini-Rijksmuseum! Having been to the real one not too long ago, the paintings weren’t anything special, but an incredible surprise nonetheless!
6. Crazy amount of special assistance buggies moving around, drivers basically racing each other – felt incredibly home-y when I had to jump out of the way of a vehicle bearing down on me.
7. DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE ANYTHING OUT/OFF IN SECURITY!
8. Felt like this terminal was the only KLM, Delta/AF code-share flights – lots of investment in their ‘national terminals’, like France also (unlike LHR’s British Airways only T5)
9. CHEESE

That’s it – unfiltered joy in having an abundance of cheese

KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

1. Food on the plane was surprisingly decent – although, this was the first flight where our travel agent hadn’t requested ‘Hindu Vegetarian Meal,’ so I did get to taste real European airline food.
2. Felt like SUPER old planes – – creaking and shaking, really old in-flight entertainment system. Etihad’s huge touchscreen in economy really spoiled me!
3. Each plane is named! For the first time in my international travel we used a bus to get to the plane and I noticed Hofplein-Rotterdam written on the side. Having only known the latter word, I asked the attendants who every excitedly told me different types of plane have a different category to describe them – from birds and flowers to world heritage sites, national parks and famous squares. Do try to get a glimpse if you ever fly Dutch!

Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj International Airport (BOM, Mumbai)

Homebase

1. That name is a mouthful
2. There’s a perfect blend of fast food conglomerates and local Indian cuisines, a semi-functional immigration line and so much staff it’s probably a bad thing.
3. What I don’t get at all is the extra screening we do after getting through the gates and on the aerobridge before entering the plane. Nothing has changed since CISF’s check, and people are way too tired to do anything dumb. Or maybe that’s just me.
4. More personal biases that probably doesn’t bode well for the credibility of my other observations.

Dulles (IAD, Washington, DC)

Homebase

1. Quaint, old airport nowhere close to DC – deceptively bigger than it seems and an icon of old American infrastructure.
2. Feels like the airport staff is completely Middle-Eastern (primarily Iran), or from the Indian sub-continent (primarily Pakistan), with higher administrative roles dominated by women (atleast from my limited time there)
3. Have super weird people transport buses they call ‘mobile lounges’ that are only unique to IAD. I can’t even begin to describe them. Once they are sealed off like a space capsule, you feel yourself being lowered in a transport like the ones used to deliver food in parked airplanes. Used today only for inter-terminal movement, it was created in the 1960s to be a fashionable bar/waiting area while moving. This luxury seems to be lost now as they cram 2.5 times its actual capacity of passengers after 26 hours of travel and transport them to the immigration lines of despair. And, it’s here to stay.

<It’s interesting how a packed Dadar station environment is so easily reproducible anywhere in the world>

Well, that pretty much covers the hurried notes I took on my Notion page for the different routes I’ve flown this year! I even considered writing about the domestic American airports (including ORD, DEN, BWI, DCA), but they all seem to have the same formula and old infrastructure. With Qatar Airlines and a lengthy stop in Doha this December, and my penchant for serving you with new content through new routes (again, I promise that’s the only reason to change), I hope I can put another one out next summer. With the Star Alliance airlines and their airports virtually untouched (and possibly remain unconquered with their hefty price tags), unorthodox routes through Saudi Arabia, Istanbul, and Italy, and surprise ones through Cairo, I’m sure its going to be a cultural experience.  

(Also, how cool is it that I can finally categorize a new blog as ‘travel’? After so long!)